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marlon brando improv outtakes from hearts of darkness...

The Foggy Monocle

this blog is kind of genius... like a self-submitted overheard in new york, but only for the hungover yammerings of those who blacked out and are trying to piece together a mysterious evening:

The Foggy Monocle

example post:

TheInvestigator: hey dude, how was your weekend?

DrinkHound: got black out wasted on saturday and took a shit at the bar

DrinkHound: the usual

TheInvestigator: good move

DrinkHound: i was drinking greyhounds

TheInvestigator:: what’s a greyhound?

DrinkHound: oh they’re delicious

DrinkHound: vodka, grapefruit juice and lime

DrinkHound: the grapefruit juice is so citrusy that it cuts the vodka perfectly

DrinkHound: you can get away with drinking cheap vodka and be non the wiser

TheInvestigator: wow i might make one right now

DrinkHound: it is monday morning after all

DrinkHound: anyway, i’m sitting at the bar — drunk but behaving — and low and behold i feel this rumbling in my tummy

DrinkHound: apparently all the brisket and margaritas I had enjoyed for dinner

DrinkHound: were sloshing around in there like it was a cement mixer

TheInvestigator:: ohhhh, not good

TheInvestigator: did you abort?

DrinkHound: nope

DrinkHound: i grabbed my drink, got up and hit the single stall bathroom

DrinkHound: which was next to the bar

DrinkHound: no way to hide

DrinkHound: but i wasnt ashamed

TheInvestigator: you’re only a man, no more no less

DrinkHound: so i simultaneously took a shit, lounged and sipped my greyhound

TheInvestigator: I wish you could see me right now, I am beaming

DrinkHound: then i opened the door after a good ten minutes and this line had formed

DrinkHound: i was so startled i tripped on the way out

TheInvestigator: hahahha

TheInvestigator: tripped right into the bar, no doubt, for another greyhound

DrinkHound: oh many more!

DrinkHound: which inevitably lead to me being unable to get my keys into my door and being forced to call my roommate

DrinkHound: (who was at another bar)

DrinkHound: to help me back into the apt

TheInvestigator: that’s when you know you’re fucked up

TheInvestigator: when those confounding keys won’t go in the hole

DrinkHound: this was all, of course, relayed to me the next morning when i woke up still in my clothes, on the couch with a half eaten grilled cheese and fries sitting on my stomach

TheInvestigator: hahaha

TheInvestigator: dude, it’s supposed to go in the stomach, not on. FAIL