the fall of josh

Autumn Day



Lord: it is time. The summer was immense.
Lay your shadow on the sundials
and let loose the wind in the fields.

Bid the last fruits to be full;
give them another two more southerly days,
press them to ripeness, and chase
the last sweetness into the heavy wine.

Whoever has no house now will not build one
anymore.
Whoever is alone now will remain so for a long
time,
will stay up, read, write long letters,
and wander the avenues, up and down,
restlessly, while the leaves are blowing.

Rainer Maria Rilke

my new tattoo

just need to get paid

in this too, she was right

"song for a blue guitar," red house painters

when everything we felt failed
and some music soft in distant sails
but it don't sound like it did before
then i know i'm left with nothing more
than my own soul
when pretty pictues face back
but your coats aren't
hanging on the rack
and blue water turns to
a place that i can't get to
a place that i can't
in a room all i feel
is the cold that you left
through the air all i see
is your face full of blame
what's left to see
what's there to see

in the room all i feel
is the cold that you left
through the air all i see
is your face full of blame
what's left to see
what's there to see
what's left to see

"gazebo," owen

alone on a train, you're running towards (or maybe away from) a reason to wake each morning.
your thoughts again drift to us and what we have (or haven't) become.
your head shakes and you think, "never again."
it's true what they say about fools who leave too soon --
they don't ever really move on.
you put your hand in you bag.
you pull out the carver book you grabbed before leaving.
it's then you realize, "in this, too, she was right."
you make an excuse.
you make up a lie.
you sell what's left of your soul like the best friend you just sold to sleep easy at night.
it's true what they say about fools who speak too soon --
they don't ever really know what they're getting into (or out of).
you're on your way with the taste of blood from a bitten tongue.
you're in need of some new teeth that won't cave in.

three days

i give myself three days to feel better or else i'll drive right off a fucking cliff because if can't learn to make myself better how can i expect anyone else to give a SHIT.

"if winter ends," bright eyes

jet black

I'll be quiet to keep you quiet.
Don't concern yourself with my slow dying.
Through the vents I hear you sigh.
I don't get too high these days.
Your floor is my ceiling.
Lights out, you can't come in.
If you don't remind me, I won't forget you.
If you don't ask, I won't upset you.
I am jet black.
I am stone cold.
Jet black to the center.
Funny like a funeral.
I need you to bury me.
White noise in black room dust.
These hands long for one last touch.
Hourglass all out of trust.
I don't scratch so I won't itch.
I don't reach so I won't miss.
I taste our last kiss.
This is the cure: the same as the symptom.
Simple and pure: break to keep fixing.
Patiently nurse, patient and nurse.
This is the part I wouldn't show you.
The part where you say, "I don't even know you."
This is your cue.
Be glad it's through.

one more lesson via my itunes shuffle's psychic abilities

"a lesson to remember," small brown bike:
"You see your kids born and they see us die. This cycle, it isn't perfect. Sometimes you see them and die. This cycle never stops. It is a lesson, a memory. How much can you remember? The more you remember, the more it hurts. We spend half of our lives living with each other and the other half is to remember or cope with a loss. I can't do this myself. We are forced to see this. Untie me and let me close my eyes. When they're gone, where do I stand? To deal with both life and loss would push me to the edge. Brothers and sisters come together to console each other, their father or mother. When it's time, let's all fall hand in hand peacefully. Closeness and each other, A lesson to remember."

listen here.

some lessons for today

"can't think of turning back clocks, can't run for what has been lost and we can't sulk in what once drowned us, 'cause we will drown again

and cease to win the constant battles that we wake up with. now stronger and warned, we should live without scorn and renew what we can.

no year could cut us like that one
if we don't sit and drown in wonder.
time passed, we failed, we crashed,
but who's to say we can't start over?

start now, start right,
stay strong, stay tight,
and we can rise side by side"
- "where we belong," hot water music

"why don't we plant a mechanic virus and erase the memory of the machines that maintain this capitalist dynasty?
and yes, i recognize the irony that the system i oppose affords me the luxury of biting the hand that feeds.
but that's exactly why priviledged fucks like me should feel obliged to whine and kick and scream- until everyone has everything they need."
- "resisting tyrannical government," propaghandi

"but how could they do this to me?
born head first and brought up ankle deep.
and maybe you're a lot like me - identified for 14 years without a choice.
terrified the morning you woke up and realized that if and when you jump ship,
you either swim for shore or drown. don't let the fuckers drag you down."
- "i was a preteen mccarthyist," propagandhi

running start

"Yeah, well, I can't stand that look on your face
Because I know you put it there...
Why don't you get your running start, it fears you just like I do
I know you're tired, I know, but what if this was the last day on earth?"

piebald, "fat and skinny asses"

clobberin' time

watch
Originally uploaded by summerofjosh

crazy ass horoscope

Small financial problems will disturb you and compel you to postpone your wild desires for spendings. Your religious and philosophical convictions will suddenly be strongly shaken; doubt will settle down in your mind; you'll be seized by a kind of metaphysical anguish which may last for some time. Perturbations in your affective life. You'll feel an almost pathological fear of losing the object of your love; this fear will give rise to crises of jealousy which will irritate your mate very much.

best movie scene

Mingamus Prime

from the estimable mr. hersey.

green ghosts

the green ghosts
that your eyes made
are haunting the treeline
of the pacific northwest.

their old bones in the branches,
blood red on the roots.
i climb the keyedge
of the cascades

on my way up
and out
and over
puget sound, staring down

mt. rainier: "can we finally hide right
and get this world away from us?"

i floor the gas pedals
of the lumber trucks,
speeding to turn
all of these evergreens

into clean sheets of paper,
finally writing this down:
i'll take my love to the grave.
i'll take my love to the grave.

poem fragment

i snake these same miles
up and down this east coast
roam between homes
where the heart goes

poem fragment

the pale green shoot
tastes like school used to.

Olympic Fever, Chinatown NYC

giles corey, witch trial memorial

giles corey, witch trial memorial
Originally uploaded by summerofjosh

more weight

home dreams, too weird to spell out

so many crazy dreams last night... i'm afraid the narrative would make no sense... and frankly, makes no sense to me in trying to remember it. however, last night included all of the following:
- omnious, old fashioned backyard family party involving apparitions and games of catch; discussion with my cousin kelli who morphs into donnie and emily
- going to the bathroom in an italian restaurant, which turns into a voice-over guided tour by one of the employees who professes to be upstairs "making garlic paste"
- staying in a hotel with a leslie amalgam, trying to go snowboarding and to a party for my brother, but getting distracted by getting wasted
- bad, bad snowstorm, hanging out with josh rubin in his apartment, which has basically become cool hunting embodied, weird gadgetry and things all over the place (the snow officials come on the television to say they don't have enough gas to plow the streets)
- hating manny ramirez

Salem Ghosts

Are angry.

brawl dream

i am at the last game at yankee stadium between the yankees and the red sox. a fight breaks out in the stands, which soon spreads to the entire stadium and the teams. i am on the field, worried about a riot. the game changes to a soccer match, and yankee stadium turns into the back lot of st. joe's.

joshua fought the battle. 08.01.08 - 08.08.08

rise above. 08.01.08
joshua 8:1: "And the LORD said unto Joshua, Fear not, neither be thou dismayed: take all the people of war with thee, and arise..."

boy sets fire. 08.08.08
joshua 8:8: "And it shall be, when ye have taken the city, that ye shall set the city on fire: according to the commandment of the LORD shall ye do. See, I have commanded you."

crazy dream... night headache

i am visiting home with mogolodi for some reason. we are walking down the streets near my parents' house with other people. a girl walking on the other side of the street makes eyes with mogolodi and i get jealous. we get to my old house, and zachary and james are there, playing soccer in the front yard. my parents are getting home from a trip, and my mom has brought me back a sweatsuit. zachary and james are wearing theirs, but i don't want to try mine on. i think my mom gets upset. things get ugly later with lauren there...

i am now exploring the origin of the rapper 50 cent. i see him as a young boy, and his younger persona alternates between a young hispanic boy and a coery-haim-ish white kid. i have trouble picturing how he morphed into what he looks like now. i learn (as the dream becomes a documentary) that he drank a lot of vitamin water while lifting weights to become an enormous black man.

the movie shifts to an outdoor scene in los angeles, we are looking at the beach, at what looks like a pool ladder going from the street to the sand. jeff dachis is there, either narrating or giving play-by-play, and it seems he has seen this movie before. he can't wait for the part where the wheelchair jumps the ladder railing. i look down the street to my right and sure enough, a crew of old men in wheelchairs approaches, with flags streaming from their chairs and i think they are all wearing track outfits and sweatbands.

i am now on the beach with leslie, or kara, or kate, or all three in one and she complains that she only buys the soundtrack to the movie that we are in if it has the no knife song on it. i tell her that no knife is the same dude from jejune, but in my mind i am actually picturing the guy from at the drive-in / sparta (as i type this at the drive-in comes on my shuffle, weirding me out).

i am now in a newbury comics, working again, or returning to work for fun. i know some of the coworkers, some i do not. the guy from no knife / jejune / at the drive-in comes in to buy parkas with two hot babes. there is some kind of talent show or concert going on (and i think the young version of 50 cent - the hispanic one - preforms). i begin sorting records.

i am now in las vegas with josh rubin. i learn that we have been on a business trip that also coincided with a baseball tour of america. it is super sunny out, and kind of like a theme park. we have just come from st. louis and kansas city. he begins pointing out where different people i know have vacation homes. i think he turns into peter crupi as he exlpains where ray dorman's house is. joel is at a table for some reason, and a girl with green hair walks by.

innocence and arsenik

good friend and partner of mine at bond art + science, mira nameth finally unveiled the clothing line that has been driving her and her boyfriend bananas... looks like the hard work completely paid off.

flowing fabrics and intricate detailing that is all totally mira. and the model is a total babe.

check out innocence and arsenik....

(in lowell)

edgar cayce reading

Study to know thyself in relationship to that ye choose as thy ideal. And let that ideal be set in Him, who is the way, the truth and the light.

This does not mean becoming good-goody, no--far from it! Be able to look everyman in the face and tell him to go to hell--but live as He did, the lowly Nazarene!

awesome horoscopes

1: At work, you'll continue your ascension to the summit; your popularity will be very strong, and your superiors will appreciate you beyond your hopes. But always show modesty and diplomacy. Many natives of the sign will have to expect problems in their affective lives. Some of them can hardly admit of their mate's desires for independence or change. For others, there may be a sentimental adventure during a trip or with a foreigner.

2: Beware of the counsel people will give you generously these days; you'd better follow your intuition. Refrain from saying unconsidered words. Do not consider changing jobs this time. You should be careful to preserve your forces; do not overwork. You may have to reappraise your present sentimental relationships under the pressure of unforeseen or compulsive events.

joshua1013’s Journal – hardcore luminaries and black lips at mccarren – Last.fm

i made a new bloggings on my last.fm

Awesome Sky, Greenpoint

08.02.08

Poem fragment:

Poem fragment:
New York city
You've gotten the best of me
And brought out the worst in me