boston town

out with likosky last night. the old haunts. charlie's kitchen, model cafe. both full of townies, but sprinkled with some kids. it was alright.



i am tired today.

long lost pint glass

first ghostie beer

post-holiday poor timing

saw this on facebook this morning. as a former consultant there and knowing how many people have been, or are about to be let go with the merger, this struck me as odd.

back to the front

slept in fits and starts. wanted to fall asleep under the tree first, so i ended up waking up on the couch at 1:30 am to a documentary on the history channel called "god v. satan."

when i got to bed, my dreams were crazy, lucid dreams - part ghostly, part feverish, intense.

woke up early to try to get busy quick. i feel rested after the holiday, but the work ahead weighs on me.

ghosts of christmas past

one of the best christmases we've had, but i can't help but think of years past.

i've lost lots, either left or left me, or passed.

you're still with me.

the unconquered sun

"Joshua Commanding the Sun to Stand Still" by Gustave Dore, (d. 1883)

". . in thine own heart there comes those things that would make afraid. But fear is of the earth. The spirit of truth and righteousness casteth out fear."
- edgar cayce

"And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the LORD do to all your enemies against whom ye fight."
- joshua 10:25

christmas eve lunch

at billy's famous roast beef in wakefield, mass.

this is sandwich #2. you gotta get one with cheese and mayo, one with
sauce.

it's good to be home.

sol invictus

after everything, i haven't given up.

the unconquered sun.

height

doug black's apartment

they're right about one thing...

"You'll be in a position to achieve some of your dearest professional ambitions. A good occasion to improve your material situation will present itself to you; seize it without fail, don't be careless. Don't let your situation worsen; tackle your problems without delay. You'll probably suffer from stomach heaviness and intestinal gas; eat cumin, refrain from starchy foods and delicatessen."

the hanged man

it dies today.

secret wars

blooming

You'll be able to assert yourself in your professional milieu and achieve a feat. In love, try not to privilege logic at the expense of feelings; to submit everything to reason is the worst error you could commit. Keep a good watch on the health of your children and the company they entertain. You'll recover a blooming physical form; however, beware of your gluttony.

can't wait to get home for christmas

"Come home and see our tree!"

astonishing

Even though you feel that what life owes you is given you too sparingly, this day will be rather favorable on the financial and amorous planes. Your sexual performance will astonish you as well as it will your love partner. Do not commit the habitual error of believing that you can do nothing about what's unfavorable. Give yourself wholly to your work, for your assiduity will be largely rewarded.

evidently chicks are gonna dig my cumin breath

according to my chinese horoscope.

"Your superiors will be very satisfied with your work, and they'll let you know it. Your personal charm will be heightened, and you'll have no difficulty whatsoever to make a fine amorous conquest. Some slowing down of the digestive function; refrain from fatty dishes, sweets, drink infusions of star anise, cumin and fennel. A very much complicated question of heritage may spring up; be diplomatic."

live. i am coming.

"Death tugs at my ear and says, 'Live, I am coming.'"
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., poet, novelist, essayist, and physician (1809-1894)



"it's time to live today - incarnation!"
- snapcase

show don't tell

"It is not what one says that counts, but what one is!"

- edgar cayce

crazy dream:

- gender-bending, high school drama
- switch to asian brother and sister
- dirty comic strip

circling the wagons

last day in new hampshire was pretty epic. up early for breakfast with the family, then the drive up to bretton woods. stuck to main roads since i knew they'd be clear... west side road to 16 through intervale then across 302. went by attitash and it was packed.

got to bretton woods around 10:30. left my hard gear in brooklyn so i had to rent. finally got up the lift and got my first run in of the year. i hated my boots and the board was too small... made it tough to deal with the lack of coverage and natural hits, but felt great anyway. mountain was mobbed by skiiers and families, as usual, but i got a ton of runs in since i was alone. took a quick break for a slim jim and went up for more. right after i headed down i got cut off by a skiier and fell hard on my back. packed it in.

kept going west on 302, towards cannon. cannon was open, but bare, but imposing as ever. by far my favorite mountain when there's brand new snow. hit 93 and went by the old man in the mountain, or where he used to be. made me sad. my parents used to take me up there when i was young.

stopped off for lunch at truant's in woodstock. used to eat there years ago when i live at loon. was as good as i remember.

made it home to wakefield in time for dinner. my mom was making pizza and pasta and invited my aunt and uncles over. adam came too. we all got full and some of us got a little drunk. i feel asleep at 10.

got up early and took my dad's yoga class. he's got a new studio that he teaches out of and it was good to see the new digs. fancy. we did mostly leg work and it helped because i am hurting from riding.

had brunch with my aunt and adam, spent the rest of today in pjs, eating and getting ready for the week. finally watched the pats get smoked and my dad put up the tree for the first time in years.

need to be up early, get a jump on things.

dream

- chris degnan, subway, trouble with the police, got a new lawyer
- girls fighting for my attention on the same train, one an old coworker at credit suisse

my m.o.

pointing out the ridiculous.

"Cultivate the ability to see the ridiculous, and to retain the ability to laugh. For, know--only in those that God hath favored is there the ability to laugh, even when clouds of doubt arise, or when every form of disturbance arises. For, remember, the Master smiled--and laughed, oft--even on the way to Gethsemane."

edgar cayce

truant's taverne

haven't been here in 9 years...

the valedictorian sandwich was as good as i remember.

woodstock, nh.

live free or die

made it up to freedom, nh for thanksgiving. my parents are visiting my brother in los angeles. work was too crazy to go. luckily they had room and took us in up here.

made it up just after the fog burned off the lake. clear skies, still lake, reflecting the mountains back up. ate and drank myself to sleep in my uncle's leather recliner.

woke to snow today. tried to make it to bretton woods but i got stuck in the snow on rte. 302 just past cathedral ledge. had to head back to town to hit some stores and the pub.

will try again tomorrow, then back to boston for the rest of the weekend.

needed this.

more crazy dreams

dream:
- store, eyeglasses
- clerk and shopgirl
- angelique
- jim joly, party
- concert, festival
- weird tents, booths, trailers
- aimee pastors wanting to reconcile
- brooke, dan, aaron
- aaron's girl, marisa, fight
- leaving, mall, shipping package
- lodi and hope
- trying to get to work, gay

IM from the past

yet more dreams:

yet more dreams:

• los angeles, drivng w/ jon
• coke w/ brooke
• kramer's big dick
• wakefield garage?

poem fragment, on acela

dark tragedies of woonsocket, pawtucket, providence
empty warehouse shells by the tracks
blurring by my window
while i slur a beer and scotch
150 miles an hour
away from my past

circling the wagons
around me and mine
hunkering down,
waiting out the frost
taking these lessons
to hibernate with me

more dreams:

more dreams:

• ocean resort with leslie and family, flying, lost
• hiking, mountains, with dave grois, lost
• canada trip with leslie, newbury comics, family drama, oprah,
• apartment buildings, boston car
• apartment dream, roomate drama, joe torre as cop
• new years eve dream, city, jenn tsang, boat, city
• sex worker / amusement ride
• high school, gerbils
• dance troop: cause co-motion!

dreams:

dreams:

snowboarding

• early season
• learning tricks
• new board

brian fox birthday

• old estranged friends
• sitting next to erik
• aimee there

family dinner / newbury comics

• ciriglianos and pastores eating dinner
• same building as newbury comics superstore
• meeting jess there for my birthday
• sim city toy presents, tatoo
• evil dave iverson
• mine shaft transportation system
• back down to dinner
• jill eating prime rib
• my dad and big chief there, zack
• we plead to bring chief home, but can't

catching little league classic

end of a fucked up year

"no year could cut us like that one..."
- hot water music, "it's hard to know"



circling the wagons, hunkering down for the holidays and the end of the year.

counting lessons learned, making this year stick.

end of a year

I don't like parties
They avoid the truth
People lying
In search of a good time
We smile avoid
Unpleasant situations
Put it off, maybe
It will go away

Come together, divide by ages
We're always talking though
But nothing changes
It's the end of a year...
There's another one coming

There will be no victory
No progress made
If we do not stand apart
From the enemy
Oh weak foundations
That we've laid
Melt with the years
You are nothing

We don't move forward
But away
We distance ourselves from
Our history
We justify it with
cheap cliches
We're just scared of dying

Words are not enough

it's working already

my chinese horoscope for today:

"At work, you'll be efficient and determined to carry through what you've decided. Beware of the level of fat in your blood: Eat very light, avoid butter and fatty dishes, eat barbecued fishes of all kinds as well as raw vegetables. Be disposed to take the first steps. You'll be in full possession of your means and capable of achieving great things."

fucked up dreams

i am at some kind of work function like a workshop or all-day session, pitching clients in a hotel / store amalgam. i am feverishly making decks for the presentations, including one for a client who openly dislikes my company. at some point, one of our clients brings backk a laptop they had borrowed, which i open to discover porn playing loudly. this startles many of our clients and the random customers who are now shopping in the store.

i am driving driving back to boston in an enormous tractor trailer. at first driven by a young attractive girl with glasses and dark hair, then by a hispanic man. the highway is crowded with traffic and we barey escape an accident. the truck is equipped with a refeuling apparatus in the center that let's us gas up on the fly. the cab smells like gas.

i am home, a successful artist. son of a famous deranged artist mother. she is clearly on drugs / insane / possessed. she begins acting erratically - at first hysterical and childlike, then attacking me and incuring self-inflicted injuries to her face, which swells and distorts into a grotesque mask. i yell and sob and plead with her to stop and realize my art is some kind of coping mechanism. i wake myself up yelling out loud.

i am sketching a sarah palin halloween costume. she is holding a new baby, but the umbilical chord is still intact. they are both dressed as nuns or pilgrims, but the baby has a pink plastic bag over its face.

tired, fighting off a cold

victory beers and shots last night. victory burg with old friends. home early to prepare for the day.

in bed early but fitful sleep. bad dreams.

up on time for a cold run in the rain. leaves are down now.

i am optimistic, but there is so much work left to do.

someone told me this today

from blue crane:

"When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win."
-Henny Youngman, comedian and violinist (1906-1998)

making it happen

chinese horoscope:

"You'll feel more apt to communicate with others and very motivated to carry out your professional and social ambitions. Concern yourself more with your family, particularly with your children. You can count on your long-time friends. You'll tend to indulge in some food excesses; take better care of your life hygiene, do exercises and sports. This time the wheel of Fortune will turn to your favor; you'll be successful in everything!"

best 'fridge decoration

ever

victory beer

victory beer in my patriotic rebel glass.

thanks patty!

F a marathon

i inadvertantly dressed up as boston for halloween

1. read yellow shirt. i picked it because it has knives on it. they're from amherst / boston.
2. converge hoodie. duh.
3. sox hat. staple.
4. my dad's varsity jacket. from boston tech. says "technical" across the back, "tex" on the sleeve.

my shuffle was very very good to me on the way to work

Moss Icon – Familiar Presides
Minor Threat – In My Eyes
Youth of Today – Wake up and Live
Suicidal Tendencies – I Shot the Devil
Ten Yard Fight – The Only Way
108 – Arctic
Mouthpiece – To The Side
American Nightmare – Farewell
Shelter – Enough
A Wilhelm Scream – The Rip
Kid Dynamite – K05-0564
The Bouncing Souls – Fight To Live
American Nightmare – Hearts
Murder City Devils – Cradle To The Grave

i will get rich and won't have to lift anything

thank you chinese horoscope!

"You'll live a day without financial problems and may even have good money in or get a pay raise. Your children may perhaps give you trouble, but don't despair! Pains in the lumbar zone may make a comeback; don't lift too heavy weights. You'll have every reason to expect agreeable events and an affective life as harmonious as possible."

november-coming fire

so this is the new year.

kirsten dunst dream

i am in a poetry or art class. the class is held in an old hippie van. the professor was friends with michael bloomberg back in the day. they were hippies together. there are lots of pictures of michael bloomberg with no shirt and long hair taped to the van.

there is a girl in the class. i like her. but i am dating kirsten dunst. so i break up with kirsten. i break a heart-shaped dog treat in half and tell her it's through.

i go back to class and the new girl is there. she is small, blond, familiar somehow. during naptime we have sex with her friend's encouragement on a bunk in the van.

after class i walk though central park and am caught up in a mexican soccer match. i make it though and go down to the southern part of the park. yuppies sunbathe and make out.

canada day

canada trip was great, but crazy. had lots of work to do. lots of people to meet.

toronto was fun. surprised by how big it was. we flew into the downtown airport, which sits on an island in the harbor.

ottawa is a little more traditional and smaller. had tons of good food.

glad to be home, but am just reminded of how much i have to do.

figuring out the samhain. figuiring out what to do.

hockey hall of fame

for debbie and dad.

makes jack a dull boy

work continues to be bananas.

need this break, big time. heading to toronto and ottawa for a wedding.

peace out.

cookies

Cute Overload! :)

good drinks, good friends

long day at work, dog tired.

quiet dinner. recession ramen and honey mustard chips. blueberry beer.

put on my best blue collar and went down to matchless. two for one drinks on tuesdays. talked with ken for a long time. he's doing well. the bar got crowded and we got drunk.

met up with friends at a home-made art party. one more drink and went home.

remembered my apple for my walk today.

don't hate the player

i can't help it, it is in the stars

"You'll perfectly know how to present your profile most advantageously and convince the most skeptical people. With your close ones, you'll also make use of your increased magnetism and this will work wonders. You can profit by useful sympathies and supports coming from persons of the other sex. Don't any longer believe so firmly that material possessions and honors bring about happiness. You can give a finishing touch to your most important projects and hatch out a strategy based on efficiency. You'll have the best chances to bring your undertakings to success."

today is crazy

tough day at work yesterday. cranked straight through.

had a crazy night too. not so awesome.

continued my streak of awesome mornings by making my recession sandwich special. forgot my apple on the way to work, though, which bummed me out.

work is getting tough. but good to be busy.

drinks tonight with some friends. will be good to relax.

cayce reading

" . . to express love in thine activities to thy neighbor is the greater service that a soul may give in this mundane sphere."

chinese horoscop, i am crossing my fingers

Don't count too much on your friends to solve your money problems. Your home will be for you a haven of peace. Numerous friendly contacts and many new ideas will stimulate your mind and energy; don't hesitate to break routine, to discard clichés, to innovate in all domains. A career promotion may befall you this time. In love, you'll also have much chance, but do not overdo things. Your immune defenses will be weakened; sustain them with vitamins and trace elements.

now i can go back to my regularly scheduled activities

i did everything right. i wore my sox hat. my converge hoodie. my red chucks. but it didn't pan out.

wearing my hat one last day in honor of a good year.

hard to hate on tampa bay. but hard to not think what the sox-dodgers series woulda been like.

we'll get 'em next year.

happy birthday bird!

crossing fingers

"Your sentimental ideal could finally see the day this time: take a good look around you, love will be there waiting for you. You'll need to lead a wholesome and well-structured life. A positive day for speculation and investments; but if you want to invest massively, ask for a specialist's advice. This astral atmosphere will help you to keep a clear head in all circumstances, by calculating the advantages and disadvantages of everything that will present itself to you."

Halloween

My favorite holiday.

sox win again, awesome saturday continued

worked all evening. finished just in time to meet for dumplings before the game. wasabi shumai, pork and chive dumplings, sake and tsingtao.

ran down the street to catch the game. power outage in atlanta meant a blackout for the first inning. ran into another sox fan who was tossed out of the bar we were heading to for asking them to switch the tv from hockey to baseball. plan b. our friend's parents were in town. from tampa. rays fans. jumped a cab up to greenpoint to meet them. they were great. was nice to watch someplace mellow and with good friends. they picked up our drinks and left early. sterling and i stayed to the bitter end and i drank too much. sox held on and won a tight game.

up early again, but a little hungover. good coffee and the paper. annie's honey bunnies for breakfast. game 7 tonight. either way, not going out without a fight.

from monument to masses, awesome saturday

work is still BANANAS but i am plugging away. refuse to lose.

low key friday night... drinks and dinner at work. back to brooklyn for a show at saved tattoo parlour. good stuff. liked the smaller pieces a lot. looked like woodcuts, high contrast, intense dark lines. good crowd - younger bushwick bike messenger types.



over to clem's for a drink with leslie. whiskey and beer. ken met us, fresh from the show. good to see him. he's doing well and its about time. he deserves it.

ran out of time and hit the jmz to the knitting factory to see from monument to masses. amazing. crazy instrumental postrock with political soundbites and samples... super loud. really fun. ran into matt - hadn't seen him in a while.

drunken train ride home, long-ass walk down bedford. burned my mouth on a late night slice from ana maria's. crashed out early.

up early this morning, breakfast at five leaves. a couple stole our table and i got grouchy. farmer's market in mccarren, bought apples for breakfast for the week. got laudry, got groceries... got good.



awesome snacks (spicy hummous, carots pita, and jack cheese) with beer and twin peaks. sox game tonight. keep up the fight.

facebook chinese horoscope 8 ball psychic machine

starting to creep me out with its accuracy

"Physically, you'll feel as well as possible: good nervous resistance, good use of psychic energy, capacity of quick recuperation after sustained efforts. You'll get the best of everyday life. It'll be the moment to renovate your interior and to make it more comfortable, more appealing. In love, in order to preserve all your chances to reach harmony, don't impose your will. In work, spare your collaborators and avoid argument."

last light

had such a shit day. work is bananas and home is a mess. went to bed early after eating leftover vietnamese and having a blueberry beer. continued my bizarre oc bedtime ritual.

almost falling asleep when the text messages started. thought the sox were dead to rights, but my mom was telling me different. when they tied the score, hopped out of bed got dressed, and headed to the palace.

maybe i needed a reason to get my strength back, my focus back. maybe i just needed a lift. opened the door just in time to see an inning-ending double play turned by the sox.

the sox went two quick outs in the bottom of the ninth. youk came up and put up a fight with a long at bat, grounded sharply to third. the throw landed in the stands and youk on second. the rays walked bay, and that left it up to drew. he lined a double over into the bullpen and that was that.



the cardiac kids, the kings of comeback, whatever. sounds corny but my back's been against the wall too. need to start fighting back.

chinese horoscope: kind of right on

Increased luck in gambling, excellent initiatives in various financial transactions. You'll manage to settle a litigious matter definitely. Your energy will be at its top this time, your activities will be intensive and take up all your time; an overflowing energy will stimulate you. You'll stake on the long term in your professional as well as sentimental matters. If you have to make a choice, your preference will go to the one that's most likely to resist time.

freehands

Freehands on Cool Hunting

don't let gloves keep you from keeping in touch... josh rubin of cool hunting and his dad teamed up to make touchscreen-friendly gloves... they are pretty badass.

work week

anxiety mounting. still hard to sleep. had a long day at the office, still cranking, but still lots of hard work to do.

vietnamese and a movie. helped calm me down.

went home, got in bed early, but still woke up tired.

i think i need an extended break sometime soon.

this will self destruct

sox got creamed. seems like a theme these days.

good times are killing me

work was crazy. seemed like i cranked all day and couldn't get half as much done as i needed.

was supposed to try to leave a little early to watch the sox. ended up getting there for the 5th inning, the sox already down by 5. had good beer and bad, bad food.

went home early. continued my marathon reacclimation with the oc. couldn't sleep again. been a long time since i've had good sleep.

edible ghost

half poem draft

sent to me today, someone found in their inbox

note to self: remember the angular
scales of the boa, the sharp math
of the guitar scale, the smoke in her
hair, her kiss on fire, your lips smoldering.

it was the end of the century, the very
edge of long island, the banks of the east
river being lapped to sleep by dead bodies
and beer bottles. it was the end

of an error, the end
of punishing yourself, the end
of the death of the doppleganger
in the mirror each morning.

lost weekend

soft focus taping on saturday. got to see ian svenonius chat with ted leo about politics and how the crass didn't like cocksparrer. kathleen hannah cancelled and adrock was supposed to fill in, but intermission took too long so we went for burritos.



sat at benny's people watching for a long time. the neighborhood has changed so much in my time here, but i was glad to see the crazies were still here and there.

went for a drink at grassroots while we waited for the afterparty to start. saw a couple metal kids i used to know. one of 'em had a sabbath album he had just picked up. kind of an obvious choice, but whatever work, i guess.

went to lit for the soft focus afterparty. shitloads of free dewar's. ian svenonius' records are way fucking better than mine. we had a good time and got drunk.



hit teddy's for dinner and the sox game. dinner was ok. the game was rough. i drank too much but went home early.

up early on sunday, met friends for brunch at enid's. browsed the new paul smith store and day drank at levee. had light dinner at spuyten, then watched tv with friends. got too drunk again. i need to slow it down.

need to slow it down.